Monday, August 31, 2009

everybody knows his name, but he's just my jaywalker

The one big plus of the job that I have now is that I'm no longer required to drive through the city. Now when I say "city", we're not exactly talking Los Angeles. In fact, our "city" is so small that I expect Renee Zellwiger or Melissa Gilbert to come here some Christmas and save our lone factory. [Or in our case, the lone defense contractor.] At which point, Harry Connick Jr. will have sex with one or both of them and we'll be saved.

But it's a "city" to me and it has one thing that drives me nuts: idiot jaywalkers. I had to drive through the city this morning and I realized that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Why do they jaywalk? I'm not sure, but I think they're secretly are DYING to commit a really big crime. Evidently, they don't have the black soul of a career criminal, so they commit minor infractions, like jaywalking, double parking, littering and listening to Celine Dion songs.

This is how it usually plays out:

Jaywalkers, you're standing on the corner of a crosswalk, the light for the drivers is red and you see a flashing white hand. Whatever you do, DON'T WALK!! Pick your nose, examine the booger, shuffle your iPod playlist, look up at the sky and try to figure out the time by the positioning of the sun, but DO NOT WALK.

You're a jaywalker, for God's sake! How is it going to look if you suddenly start obeying the law?

The light for the cars turns green and you see a red flashing hand, this is the time for you to take action. As the cars begin to move forward, dart out in front of them, forcing the driver to trust the strength of their brakes and their blood pressure medication. Don't give them any indication at all that you're going to do this, just dart right out in front of them. Weeeee! It's more exciting that way!

Once you're in front of the car, pull a Helen Keller and don't let on that you know that the 'BIG DUMB JACKASS!!' the driver is referring to in their frenzied screaming is, in fact, you. And if you really want to send the drivers into a tirade, turn and give them 'The Wave' to indicate that allowing you to cross at that time was their idea.

Happy Jaywalking, ya PITA lawbreakers. If I never see you again, it will be too soon.

life at lvmpd

most shocking in lake mary

starting out the week in fresno

law song of the week!

Or for you youngsters, here's the Green Day version:)

Monday's Lawman O'The Day

SWATting the competition in Michigana

it's a SWAT Monday

Sunday, August 30, 2009

and here's today's 'new thing'

When she wasn't out trying to find rich, eligible husbands on life support at the old folks home, Grandma used to say 'you learn something new every day'.

Looking at my "boobs and butts" survey results so far, I'd have to say she's right.

To date, I have 22 "I love it! I'm male!" responses. I had no idea I had that many straight guys looking at the site.

Unless it's just one overly enthusiastic straight guy voting more than once....;)

I'm alright, don't nobody worry 'bout me

I was rather RELIEVED to hear Rescue Me is going to end on September 11th, 2011, the tenth anniversary of 9/11.

I thought it was excellent in the first few seasons, but the HUGE lag time of 19 months between last season and the current season has caused me to lose a lot of interest in the show. I've seen every ep from the previous seasons and only about four or five of this one so far. I'll catch up sooner or later, even if it's when the DVD comes out, but there's not rush to watch it ASAP anymore.

IMO, the show has become too repetitive. I've mentioned before that if anyone took as many beatings as Tommy Gavin does, they'd be dead by now. And no matter how severe the beatings he took, he never ended up in the hospital. Guess it's a guy thing to crawl home and nurse your wounds.

Heck, even Tommy's sex life has become boring. Bouncing between Shelia and Janet, and anyone else he can find week after week, as if that would really happen for a guy his age. I mean Leary is good looking, but come on. Guys half his age in that fire house with rippling six packs could screw twice as often and more importantly, twice as long. Truthfully, between the beatings and the wall banging sex, I'm surprised this guy can stand.

In my opinion, the true hotties of the show were Robert John Burke (Father Mickey Gavin) and Dean Winters (Johnny Gavin).

what a tease!

SWAT competitions

eager to learn

we interrupt this regularly scheduled Hott Cops post to say

I still love this song. And that was one great album cover:)

All of you who guessed Jesus would come back as a cop....congratulations!

Jesus of Siberia: The Russian ex-traffic policeman who claims he is the son of God

The beard and long hair are both present and correct.

And with his flowing linen robes and beatific smile he certainly does a fine impression of a holy man.

But to his believers in this remote corner of Siberia, Sergei Torop, a former traffic policeman, is the literal reincarnation of none other than Jesus Christ.

Torop, 48, is the spiritual leader of at least 5,000 devoted followers, among them intellectuals, artists and professionals who flock to worship him in the small isolated village of Petropavlovka - more than 2000 miles from Moscow.

Torop was ‘reborn’ as ‘Vissarion’ in 1991 just as Russia was facing a crisis of confidence following the collapse of the iron curtain.

He is just the latest example of Russia’s predilection for 'personality cults' - a national obsession that leads back all the way to the days of Rasputin.

Both Lenin and Stalin tapped into the Russian people’s eagerness to embrace powerful figures and actively fostered the almost religious fervour with which they were worshipped.

After time spent in the Army, Torop had been working as a traffic policeman on the night shift in the small Siberia town of Minusinsk until he was made unemployed.

Suddenly something ‘awoke’ inside him, he says, and he instantly knew that he was the second coming of Christ - 2,000 years after he was first crucified.

He says he realised that God had sent him to Earth to teach mankind about the evils of war and the havoc we were wreaking on the environment.

With Christmas abolished his followers mark the day of his first sermon on August 18 as their special feast day.

Time in the community is measured by Vissarion’s life and so as he is 48 years old his Church is now living in year 49.

His followers, who have given up their lives to follow him, are strict vegans and are banned from smoking and drinking or handling money.

Around 300 of them live in wooden huts in the village that has grown up around his church and which does not appear on any maps.

Many thousands more have made their homes in the small villages that surround Petropavlovka and survive the vicious Siberian winters so that they can be close to their Messiah.

On a mountain close by their village a large bell tolls three times a day so the followers know when they should break off from their back-breaking work to kneel and pray.

Vissarion himself whiles away his days painting in his chalet where he lives with his wife and six children - one of whom he adopted from a single mother in the commune.

But critics in Russia have accused him of fleecing his loyal community of followers for personal gain.

In recent years he has travelled to France, Italy and Holland to 'convert' new followers although he claims that his visits were sponsored by his hosts and that his Church makes no money.

Read more:


calling in SWAT

he's got SWAT

Saturday, August 29, 2009

let's give 'em something to smile about

Here's something you rarely see--cops SMILING! Let's start off with two officers that make ME smile: Officers Miller and Sheldon.

limbo lower 'lowe' can you go?

more calendar boys

somebody couldn't talk their way out of a ticket

it's the CHP!

it's a san diego saturday

take a picture, it lasts lo---oh

Friday, August 28, 2009

(Not so) Best of Speeders

Well, the best of Speeders shows that ran last night pretty much sucked.

The first show was ok, but they used a lot of the same clips in the second show, right down to the same parts of the stop.

Very disappointing.

patrolling the neighborhood

finally friday

most daring in traveler's rest

ooo those lawless ladies of knox county

sooner or 'lator'

soaking in the rays on Miami Beach

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Warning! New cop blogS ahead

Check out True Police Stories.

I know I should add some cool commentary about the blog, but I'm feeling lazy today, so I'm going to use the blog blurb: The author of this blog is a police officer and all stories are true. The blog updates frequently, and pictures are included whenever possible. Comments and feedback are highly valued.

Suffice it to say, it's interesting and funny, I wouldn't be reading it otherwise, so check it out OR ELSE. (Ok, I have no threat to back that up, it just sounded good;)

Also, check out Mutterings and Musings, a cop blog from a big city po-leece officer. It is brand spanking new and written by an experienced officer. Ok, I'm guessing he's experienced because he said his first day was 27 years ago.......enjoy!

your directions, my friend, are blowin' in the wind

Please tell me this is just some bad internet joke.

I can't even understand Bob Dylan when he SINGS, how in the world am I going to understand his GPS directions? Why not just have a chimp give us directions?

*Mumble, mumble turn mumble mumble*

Anybody who buys a car with Dylan's voice as navigational tool better up their insurance because the turns they are a changin'....and probably without warning.

on the 'case'

standing REALLY tall in Simsbury

baiting the crooks

Bait Car

Kyzmo's on the airstrip!

HC's Man O'The Thursday